OK, why am I talking about sex? With the exceptions of the last “philosophical” entry I have mostly just talked about artificial sweeteners, chemicals in make-up and issues that are food related. But, sex is a noteworthy topic for many reasons. For starters it’s exercise, it’s good for your mood and your health, it helps to build intimacy in mature and committed relationships, it’s empowering and it’s fun!
I want to be upfront about how this entry is meant to be construed. It’s not meant to be advice/inspiration for every bimbo seeking to impress her date. I am dedicating this blog entry to wives and long-term partners. I certainly won’t offer ideas for positions or techniques here (but can find some resources for that in my recommended reading section). I want to talk about the health benefits of sex. These benefits are the most pronounced in marriages/long-term committed relationships. While I am sure you can have passionate sex outside of a marriage you will never experience the real freedom of sex, the kind that can be found in unions that are as committed as they are in a marriage. The trust and love in those unions will allow you both to push frontiers and experience new and exciting things. This entry won’t be crass. I promise!
For starters let’s look at sex from a chemical point of view. The act of sex, especially orgasm, is a cocktail of hormones. Rising and falling. It drives the interaction, the action and allows everything to flow as it should. The hormonal benefits of sex (for both sexes) include: reduced stress overall, relaxation, elation, better mood and more intimacy in a relationship. Statistically speaking, happily MARRIED people have the best health of any other demographic. So there is something to be said for the overall health and happiness that comes from being in a strong, loving, supportive union (not only that but people who are married tend to earn more money too). Sex can also help build that intimacy that makes marriage so wonderful. Another perk, especially for the ladies, is that the exercise and resulting sweat can help clear your pores, resulting in more beautiful skin.
Any kind of exercise will help keep you healthier. But sex has the added bonus of giving you exercise (cardiovascular benefits), relaxing you (making you tired and satisfied), strengthening intimacy (making you happier) and reducing stress (mostly hormonal I believe). The way to reap the most out of these benefits is to be in a loving, non-judging relationship.
There is a sense of taboo among women (the only women who have ever discussed sex with me are my sister and mother). I don’t think it’s healthy or appropriate to chat about sex with strangers but women would benefit from finding a safe haven to share ideas and ask questions. The idea of sex being dirty is unfair. The places we often hear about sex (comedians, movies etc.) are dirty but the act is actually very spiritual and sacred. That’s why we need a place to empower each other that isn’t dirty. Lou’s books are great for that. Even good girls want good sex.
To empower yourself to be a great partner will bring new levels of passion to your passion play. Men have a tendency to try to please in the bedroom and women can tend to be more passive. Being more aggressive shows him that you are into it, and while that is a turn on for him it is also an indicator of love. Women gauge affection very differently than men. I feel loved when my husband tells me so or takes out the garbage without me nagging or if he hugs me and kisses me. But he on the other hand, gauges much of your attraction and love for him through the act of sex. So, in a healthy marriage, you would want him to feel loved. Being proficient in the bedroom will give you more confidence to grab the bull by the horn so to speak. And he will certainly not resent you for experimenting with him in the boudoir to familiarize yourself with a new concept!
The better the sex becomes, the more you will want to have it. I think that that too is a hormonal thing. After a while you start feeling newlywed again. It’s a great feeling to be so excited and to desire to be so close to someone you love and have loved for years.
I don’t believe in things that demean women. We don’t allow porn in our home. I want my husband to think about me when we…you know. I don’t need anything to make me feel inadequate or self-conscious in our sex life. It’s also exciting to know that he seeks his fulfillment only in me and that notion encourages me to oblige.
If there is ANYTHING that makes the other partner uncomfortable, it is hands off for sex-play. So if porn, or toys or certain positions make you uneasy, then they are a no-go! You will only enjoy sex and feel safe in it if you are respected, protected and honoured. You should never feel pressured to do anything you think it too dirty or whatever.
I am now going to share a couple good ideas for date nights (for others you’ll just have to buy Lou’s books):
* Here is one of my favorites: You make/pick up a whole variety of finger foods: grapes, spread and crackers, fancy cheese, button mushrooms etc. and serve it up on a tray. You serve juice or wine or whatever you want in a wine glass or a flute. Then you eat the entire meal in bed. Make sure that the food you eat is bite-sized food as to not make a mess in your bed. The part that sucks about going out for a date is that by the time you get home and bring the babysitter home it’s late and you just want to sleep. If you have a date in your room you are already half-way to your intended destination (with energy to spare). Even if you have to pick your kids up from a relative or a sitter afterwards.
* Try surprising the other partner when they don’t expect it with something you’ve never done before. The excitement of your sneaky plot will tantalize you and the surprise will excite him.
Just to do my vegan plug (as I try to make all my blog entries relate to health and vegetarian issues): Veg*ns (both sexes) apparently taste and smell better and have lower incidences of erectile dysfunction. In fact, Lou Paget (see books below) states that if there are problems with erection that a diet change may cure all that ails him (in this area anyways).
I would feel irresponsible without at least touching on the topic of protection. I am hoping that those of you who are in long-term relationships will already have this one figured out but for those of you who are reading this blog that haven’t, you need to be educated. I read on Yahoo News that one in four people in New York City have an STD now! Come on people, be responsible. I am also fiercely anti-abortion and even if I weren’t, I would still urge you not to use abortion as birth control! The side effects (especially emotional) are well documented and it may make you prone to miscarriage when you actually want to have a baby! Be smart! If you’re going to have sex before marriage be protected!
My reccomended reading list:
By Lou Paget:
The Big O: How to Give Them, Have Them and Keep Them Coming. http://www.amazon.ca/Big-O-Have-Them-Coming/dp/0767907485/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213881164&sr=8-1
365 Days of Sensational Sex: http://www.amazon.ca/365-Days-Sensational-Sex-Paget/dp/0340832622/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b?ie=UTF8&qid=1213881164&sr=8-1
Any of her other titles. She is, in my opinion, the guru of sensational, tasteful sex! She makes it her goal to empower women to feel confident in this arena and has strenghtened many LONG, long-term relationships!
For a spiritual view on sex:
